Take a look in the mirror...

Have you recently taken a look in the mirror? I have been avoiding the mirror like a fat kid on a soy diet. Not only have I neglected to realize I'm lacking proper hygiene, but I'm not doing anything to help anyone.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Among my spiritual and personal development I questioned what I was doing with my life. Tyler (my boyfriend) and I moved to a new apartment in a smaller town called Embrun and we thought this would be the change we need.

We first started avoiding each other for reasons unknownst to both of us. We had moved closer to both of our parents and we were somehow regressing to an earlier part of our life. I think I was mad that I had let this happen especially while I was supposed to be working on the new empowered me. What the hell was I doing back here? I wanted to go places in life, I wanted to see the world, and I wanted to make a difference. After what seemed like a normal fight I said to Tyler “I thought about what I would do without you in my life and I decided I would go to the Yukon and explore.” This was a mistake. The next day he broke up with me because he didn’t think I had the courage to do it myself and he told me to ‘spread my wings’ and go experience my life without him so I won’t resent him later. He also had these feelings that he wanted more with his life too. We felt we are both not cut out for the “average” world.

I had never had my heart broken until the night when he said, “I think we should separate” my whole life seemed to be crashing before me. This isn’t what I had wanted. I don’t want to experience the thrills of life without him. This may make me seem pathetic, but I know he is my soul mate and I couldn’t let this happen. With the shock of it all I took the car and our dog to my parents house. My dad came home and saw my crying on the front steps and he knew what had happened. He said to me he would clear out my room (it had become a bit of a storage room). I was thankful that I would always have a place to go… I love my family. But if I couldn’t believe I was in Embrun, how could I believe I was back in my hometown living with my parents after living on my own since I was 17.

I let go of my pride and my stubbornness and I called Tyler and asked the big question “why” and for him to reconsider. This wasn’t what I had wanted after all. Within 52 minutes we were back together. I had realized and maybe we both needed to realize that we wanted each other in our lives. We both were lacking something in our lives and we had found that it wasn’t each other. Tyler said to me that he had made a big mistake and he thinks he must have just needed to know deep down that I was fully committed to this relationship and wasn’t looking for a way out. Naturally I didn’t believe him, but he assured me if I were ever to believe him just once, this would be the time.

We were back together but we still felt like we were missing something, we still wanted more, we knew we wanted it together but we still needed more. I got to thinking; there was lots of “I’s, Me’s, what do I want, wanting more” kind of thinking going on in our conversations. I had just sent an email to Tyler saying “I want more too.” He wrote back saying “I want to do so much more” I was preparing to take the dog for a walk and I was changing into some clean clothes, I was on a scavenger hunt for some clean underwear and I saw it by my feet, a pamphlet for “The More Project” I had picked this up days earlier without really thinking. On the front of the pamphlet it says “The More Project- Changing Lives. Restoring Families.” Suddenly I was jolted, everything we were saying we needed wasn’t about helping us, it was about helping others. “Changing Lives, Restoring Families” I needed to say it again. Is there a more powerful way to change your life and restore your own family?

I literally sat down and became overwhelmed and cried. How did we seem to forget this? How did we miss this in our constant over analytical conversations with each other? How did we become so blind? How did we become so selfish and more importantly how did we forget? The big TV won’t help us, but changing others lives for the better will. It is by helping others that we will help ourselves.

The point is we all have different purposes and reasons for being here. I found what I needed to do while looking for some underwear, so you never know when you will be inspired. Be prepared for it and be willing to accept it. Keep one eye open all the time; it will be there when you are ready.