A Love Story

Is there a more exciting time of year than fall? The leaves are changing colours, the feel of the cool air and the hot sun on your face, the crunching of leaves beneath your feet, and the season premieres.

Rewind.



That's right I said season premieres. Oh the love for scripted television. So pure and yet unrefined. Tyler and I had a twinkle in our eyes with anticipation for the upcoming year. Part of me feels guilty for thinking so. I think most of us don't want to live our lives 'living' vicariously through the television set. However, this is what makes us happy. We love to be entertained with minimal effort required.

I think we can all welcome a distraction from our current realities. Whatever they may be. Bad situation, indecision, boredom,... whatever the ailment or situation, we can rely on a weekly basis on Amy Poehler to make us laugh and Kate Walsh to entertain us wholeheartedly.

Where are the manuals?

One of my closet friends asked me today “Do you ever feel like you have everything you ever wanted but you still are sad all the time?” This got me to thinking, I wonder how many other people feel like this? I know I feel like this from time to time. Although, I must admit I still don’t feel that I have everything I ever wanted. In our minds and maybe also in our hearts (figuratively speaking) we will never have enough. It’s never going to be enough. We look at past experiences with nostalgia and delight, although while we were actually in the past -meaning the present - we were thinking of the future. Was that complex enough for you? We’re never going to be happy if we are always looking to the future to hold our happiness.

If we keep putting off calling our friends, doing charity work, errr...even getting a job, we are putting off what we think will make us happy. I use these examples because these are things I wish I could do more but I seem to always put it off which makes me more miserable. It’s a vicious cycle really.

How many of us miss a friend of ours dearly but we hesitate to call them. The more time that goes by, the heavier the phone seems. We need community. We need friendship.
When I went to university I really became the person I wanted to be. I didn’t know a single person- which was the idea. I didn’t hate my high school existence, but I wasn’t really who I wanted to be. My best friend was always the center of attention and everything was about her. Don’t get me wrong, at the time and even now I don’t resent her for this and I love her dearly. It is really how I became who I am today. No regrets. Besides, it wasn’t really her fault because I never tried to make it about me.

The point is, I never had to do anything or become someone other than a shadow because I was basically following her around. This was easy for me, so you can see why I never tried to change it. But I grew tired of that scene and I wasn’t going to be able to change it unless I left.

I saw University as a chance to break this mold, I wanted to be ditch this whole follower and leader way of life and be completely and one hundred percent an upscale version of me and meet people more like me. Equality in friendship.

Before University I was incredibly shy. I remember the day my parents dropped me off. I was terrified. I sat in my dorm room and twiddled my thumbs for a minute and decided to go make some friends, this was my moment, it was then or never! And I did just that. Some of the people I met that day are still my best friends to this day, almost 6 years later. I could be me with these people and I could try to be a better me. They took me for who I am and never made me feel like it wasn’t enough or like I fell short. I had never been happier. Shout out to Megan, Erin, and Kaitlin. I love you guys.

These girls all live far away from me now, and I miss them so much. They are my family and I don’t get to see them. This is one of the major reasons why I don’t think I have everything. I would be one lucky and happy lady if these ladies ended up moving into my neighbourhood, but I won’t subject them to that.

When a couple of my bests came to work in Edmonton with me I was the happiest I have ever been. I won’t deny that I was home sick and missed my boyfriend Tyler immensely. I remember even counting down the days until I got to go home. But when I look back I realize that I had never been so happy. It took me a minute to realize why. When in Edmonton, I felt so sure of myself. I felt so in control of my life, so independent, so close to my friends. Now I don’t have any of that. I certainly don’t feel sure of myself, my close friends (at least these ones) aren’t around, we're still close but we're just a phone call), and my feelings of independence are gone.

Part of me believes I was happy working in Edmonton because I knew it had an expiration date. There wasn’t this overwhelming feeling of “this is it.” I didn’t feel like that was what I was doing the rest of my life and questioning if I would be happy doing it, the whole experience had a count down. Maybe the feeling of being stuck doing something the rest of your life is just too overwhelming.

If we learn to take everyday as it comes maybe we could avoid this and maybe we can start living for today and not for the future - which I might add, is always in the future!

This is why I think when we are born they should give us little manuals for our purpose of being. My friend and I were joking around about this. She wishes that when she was born her manual would say “You will be a street meat vendor and you will be very happy” and I hoped mine would say “You will be a mail lady and you will be very happy.” - Note: I said mail lady, not male lady. How much more simple would life be? You wouldn’t have to question anything, you would know that it is meant to be your purpose. Your fortune cookie. But maybe that journey wouldn’t be a journey at all. Maybe we need to make mistakes, take a mess of wrong paths to get to the right one, maybe that is your purpose and maybe that’s just life.

Why we're like Dogs

Recently, Tyler and I have acquired another dog for the purposes of taking care of it, nurturing it, feeding it, and loving it. In simpler terms, we're dog sitting. Why didn't I just say dog sitting? Because I like to think I'm fancy okay...

When taking the dogs for a walk it occurred to me how important it is to feel like we're in a pack, to work together, and to provide security for one another. We're not all that different from dogs. When walking the dogs I used one of those coupler leashes. The dogs were basically attached and I had one rope to steer.

The dogs were antsy before leaving for the walk, they were walking around aimlessly nit picking at each other, almost seemed like they were bickering. I thought this was the perfect time for a walk, burn off some of that excess energy and give them a common goal. Once the leashes came out their noncooperation ceased and they knew if they wanted to go anywhere they would have to work together.

I can't help but see the parallels of this with human behaviour. I know for Tyler and I if we are sitting at home and have nothing to do we tend to bicker until there is something we can do or work towards. We're all lost without some kind of contact or goal, whatever it may be. There is a sense of team work and security among them when they walk together. Where one dog goes, so must the other. It was their first time with the coupler and at first they were both trying to get in different directions until they realized if they wanted to head in any direction at all they would have to go together and they would have to cooperate.

Something about being in a pack makes life seem more enjoyable and secure. There seems to be such a lack of community these days. When I was a kid I took the community I was in for granted, it's not like that anymore but I don't know who has the power to change that. Too many people are overworked and safe in their bubble. This is why I believe we need to learn from our dogs. They give us unconditional love and they know the importance of being in a pack and working together.

If we could all learn these simple lessons the dogs are showing us what a world it would be. What a world it would be...

A Day in Nature

Nothing too profound to report today. I had a simple day today bringing my dog Dexter to play in some water while I read on the sidelines and threw the occasional stick. Bring on the simplicity! It is truly remarkable how calm and relaxing it is when you take a moment to stop and just simply be.

Try it, and try it often.